While most of us agree or at least recognize adoption starts with a loss, I feel sometimes we dwell on that and may let it take over our news feed and also our lives. First off, I am in NO way downplaying the feelings of those who struggle with their loss. It is not a loss I personally understand. However, it is a loss my children have dealt with, whether or not they realize it.
My oldest is starting to test the water of adoption emotions. At times it is heartbreaking to hear her talk and question. I want to take away the pain, loss and confusion. Sadly, I can’t. They will probably always exist in some form or another.
What I can do is teach my kids that hardships in life can be overcome. They may never like the fact they are adopted. Yet, they are and that can’t be changed.
I want them to know even though there was loss in their life, there is also so much good. While they may not always agree with or understand their birth mom’s decision, I want to teach them to always look for the positive things in life. That being said, I want them to know it is okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to ask lots of questions that may or may not be answered.
What is not okay is to dwell on the negative feelings forever. While my kids may not like the answers they receive about their adoptions, I want them to move past their angry feelings. I want them to be grateful for what they do have outside of adoption our our family. That is not saying that I will not hold them while they cry and let them scream out their frustrations. I just feel sometimes, adoptees get very caught up in the sense of loss they feel from their adoption. I do not want that for my children. I will do whatever it takes to help them overcome any feelings of hurt or anger they have so they can have the best lives possible.
The point is, for various reasons, life can really suck sometimes. We have a choice when life gets us down—we can let it keep us down or we can rise above. I want to teach my children to rise above and always look for the positive in life. Even in the bleakest moments, there is always a small sliver of goodness or hope.