Sarah Coady
I went from adopted to adopting. My story begins on the 12th February 1979. I was born on this day to a 16 year old mother who had decided to place me for adoption. Apparently her eyes were covered as she delivered me and she did not see or hold me before leaving hospital. Soon after I was adopted by a couple that were unable to have children and was much loved by them. Two years later they adopted identical twin boys and life went on as a family of 5. We always knew we were adopted and my adoptive mother was always completely open and honest with me and was supportive of me looking for my birth mother if I wanted once I grew up.
As much as I loved my parents very much, I couldn’t stop thinking about what my birth parents were like. Did I look like them? Where did I get my unusually small hands from? Why did she give me up? These questions stuck with me until I was 18 and I decided to contact her through social services. She was over the moon I had come looking for her as she would never have been allowed to find out anything if I hadn’t wanted to. We met up and got on well and I found out I had two half brothers. For a year we stayed in touch but the relationship became strained. We both found it hard to deal with our own emotions. I was too young to cope with it and she found it hard to have a constant reminder of her past and what might have been had she made a different choice. Sadly, we lost contact.
10 years passed and in that time I got married and had two children of my own. I cannot begin to describe the feeling I had holding my first son—to actually have family that was my own blood—but with that came feelings of how could she give me away? I felt angry and it wasn’t until a few years after having my second son that the understanding of her situation finally hit home. I was grateful to her and saw that giving me away was the greatest act of love she could possibly give me. I managed to find her again and contacted her. That was 3 years ago now and our relationship has gone from strength to strength. I’m delighted to have her in my life and my children’s lives.
But my story doesn’t end there! I went from adopted to adopting. One of my adoptive brothers had struggled with life in general and began to drink more and more. Then he met a woman who had similar problems. Quite quickly she fell pregnant and it was obvious to all they could never look after a child and that the baby was going to be in significant danger once born. So social services planned to take him into care at birth. I couldn’t bear for the baby to go into the system and never know he was loved. My husband and I took him instead. I was his mother’s birth partner, which was amazing and heartbreaking all at once, and then I took him home the next day. 18 months later, we are at the final stage of the adoption process and we are just about to go to court to have it legalized.
Myself, my husband and our 2 sons adore this little boy! He has completed our family in a way we didn’t even know we needed it completing. We will bring him up the same way I was, always knowing his origins. Although its not possible for him to see his birth parents he does have contact with his birth mother’s family so we are all doing what we can to help him to grow up knowing his family loved him and where his funny little traits came from.
Here is a little verse I wrote for him, my little boy Jay:
Our special little Jay bird because into our lives you flew,
and not under my heart but in my heart is where you grew.
Our 3rd son you are a blessing, a gift,
and with each and every smile and laugh you give our lives a lift.
So my beautiful adorable son I hope you will be happy here,
with mum and dad, and 2 big brothers and no need for you to fear.
Grow up with love around you and know we love you just the same,
and we thank God for the day that into our lives you came.
