Dean and Brandi

I’ve struggled with this letter so much. Not because I have nothing to say to you, but because I have everything to say. “Everything” is what a child would mean to us. You have a big decision to make. I suspect that to even get far enough in this process to read this letter means you have already made several big decisions. To simply say “thank you” doesn’t seem like enough. I don’t know your story — maybe someday I will — but whatever that tale is, I can guarantee that it will be met with unconditional acceptance and the respect you deserve.

We know the decision to let someone else raise your child can be a difficult one, but we also know it is not taken lightly. We would do our utmost to give this child the best possible life. We have so much love to give, and would love to discover who they will grow up to be and offer them the support to be the best possible version of themselves.

I (Dean) have always wanted kids, but it never worked out. Through a combination of the wrong people and fertility problems, having a child didn’t happen. Now there is the right person to have a child with, but fertility issues remain.

There have been multiple miscarriages, and I felt each one as a deep loss. And with each one grew a sense that a major part of my life would forever be missing.

Dean works Monday through Friday and gets home at about 5pm. Brandi will be a stay-at-home mom; currently she is a stay-at-home dog mom. She wakes up every day, gives the dogs their medicine, drinks one cup of coffee, does the dishes before her brain can decide she’s doing chores, then spends the rest of her day bouncing between working on writing her next book, managing her previously published books, training with Sage to do various tricks and obedience/handling tasks (she is a very smart girl and needs a job to do or she gets bored and grumpy), and cleaning the house. On Monday night, Dean hosts a virtual tabletop game for his friends, his brothers, and Brandi to play.

On Thursdays, we take Sage to agility class. She loves running and jumping and going in the tunnels. She doesn’t compete; she just enjoys the work.

On the weekends we play games together or find an adventure to go on, like an escape room, the aquarium or museum, or a new place to try like Meow Wolf. On Sunday nights, Dean spends a couple of hours playing online games with his brothers in Michigan.

Dean is the gentlest man I’ve ever met, with the biggest heart and an empathy that knows no bounds. He will be the type of father that spoils his children. He will play games and do puzzles and crafts and teach them math and cool science facts in every other sentence. He is accepting of a person for who they are, not for who he thinks they should be. He has a quiet kind of presence that somehow fills a room. He listens first and responds with compassion.

Brandi is a deeply empathetic and caring person. She has taken jobs to help those in need, despite the intense emotional toll it took on her. She will be genuinely upset just hearing about an animal getting hurt, and absolutely spoils her pets with love and affection. She is smart and clever, with a deep understanding of how people think and feel. She would be an incredibly nurturing mother.

We have a four-bedroom, two-bath house in an established neighborhood. There is a room right by the master bedroom where we plan for a nursery to go. When the child is old enough, they can move to one of the other rooms near the game room. This room is perfect for a child and is one of the main reasons we chose to buy this house in the first place. It has a built-in, two-tiered nook that would be a cozy play area (I imagine I would have made it into a little playhouse when I was little), or a reading nook and bookshelf, or a cozy lounge space for a teen. We live within walking distance of elementary and middle schools as options for when they are of age, but this city has an open district policy, so we have the choice to go to any school in the city we wish. Brandi attended both middle and high school here herself and has a favorable view of the school district. Brandi is also interested in homeschooling options, particularly for the early school years.

Our house isn’t the most spotless of homes, but I do make a good effort. The saying goes, “messy home, happy kids,” or something like that.

We have several family members that live nearby that we can visit on a whim, including the people who would be the child’s aunts and grandparents. Brandi has long-term friends in the area. All of them would welcome a child and be supportive.

On the 10th of every month — we named it The Terrible Tenth — we find the dumbest B movie possible to watch, throw popcorn at, and laugh our way through. Some of our favorites are Jingle Jaws, Trolls 2, and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

We are excited for a weekly family game night, a strong tradition from Dean’s childhood.

For Christmas, we are looking forward to not only playing Santa, but to a tradition started in Brandi’s family where the child is given a personalized tree ornament (dated) so when they grow up and get their own tree, they will have decorations to put up on their first adult Christmas.

There are many more traditions we look forward to starting and sharing. We come up with silly things to do all the time, and you just never know what is going to stick.

Smaug is an old man cat (11). He’s a bit of a jerk sometimes, but he is lovable and calm.

Gastly (named after the Pokémon, because he just kind of appears and disappears) is also an old man cat (9 or 10) who is skittish and takes a while to warm up to people. Once he decides you’re safe, he will be your best friend.

Fizzgig is a small old man dog (11), named after The Dark Crystal. He absolutely loves people. He is blind now but will gravitate toward any room a person is speaking in to listen to their voice. No matter how grumpy he can be, he loves children, and I can already see him taking up post in a baby’s room beside the crib.

Sage is a young lady dog (4). She is half Belgian Malinois and half Staffordshire Terrier. She is so spoiled, sweet, and nurturing. She found a kitten in our backyard one day and just begged to keep her. She might not understand that baby toys are not her toys.

Vin (3) is Sage’s cat. She was only five weeks old when we found her in August 2023. It was so hot and her mother was nowhere in sight. We took her in and nursed her back to health. She is happy, healthy, and is quite sure she’s actually a dog.

We value independence, education, creativity, and family. We value humanity and the individual. We believe that religion is a personal choice and not one to be pushed on you by your parents. We believe that life is a journey, and it depends on who’s standing by your side to guide you through the dark.

We write together! Under a combined pen name, we have published three books so far and are working on at least two more to finish the series. Our books are urban fantasy with a dash of sci-fi, and we read a lot. Both of us always dreamed of publishing our own books, and after we got married we decided to write a book together. Brandi has written several unpublished books but always felt like her plots were a bit too thin, and Dean tried to write a book but struggled with finishing projects and building deep characters. Together we complement each other’s weaknesses perfectly. This perfectly encapsulates how we approach our life together. We find a way to support each other by filling gaps and teaching each other new skills as we go because no one person can know, or be good at, everything.

We will do everything in our power to give your child all the love and attention they need, to support them through all of the hardships of life, and to love them no matter what happens. We can’t promise perfection — no one can — but we can promise that we will never give up and never stop loving them.